


Loving Jane Loving

by swalviswriter



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swalviswriter/pseuds/swalviswriter
Summary: Sidney and Charlotte Parker have agreed for their next to youngest daughter, Jane Loving, to experience a shortened spring season in Bath. With brothers and sisters older than her, Jane Loving is the first to experience a season and her Papa is not sure he likes the circumstances that announces she might be ready to marry when he is not ready to part with her at all!This story continues in the form of the Diaries of Sidney Parker and that of a young Lord, Bradley Spotswood Crane. That two such outstanding men should meet each other and both be so sure of their love for Jane is a short story of courtship and marriage, and of course, a promised happily ever after.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Daughter - Relationship, Jane Loving Parker
Comments: 80
Kudos: 88





	1. A Dip in the River

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AS always](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=AS+always).



Loving Jane Loving

Chapter One  
1 March 1846 

There is no day more miserable in the heart of a father than the day a beloved daughter marries! I know this adage to be true in my own life, for when Grace married, and then Gabriella, I was inconsolable and it has taken months for me to reconcile those events with their apparent resulting happiness and to let go of my anxiety. Both of my daughters married young men they had known for years, and there were no society balls or extensive wardrobes, no simpering idiots trying to convince me they were worthy to court my daughter and yet the anxiety was overwhelming.

This day was the date of just a dance! A Ball in the Pump Room in Bath and I have been climbing out of my skin since long before dawn.

Jane Loving has only danced with her brothers and cousins. She has only careened around our drawing room anticipating this day. I have not taken her apparent preparation seriously enough, because today she has been turned into what will surely be the beauty of the Ball and I am helpless to prevent this happening before my very eyes!

Tonight, I write from a strange house in Bath where we will remain for the three weeks during Jane Loving’s presentation in the Pump Room. Susan and Graham sponsored her for this shortened spring season, and I have escorted Jane and Charlotte, totally against an eighteen year old being exposed to the vultures of society, to no avail.

I was overruled by Charlotte and Susan, and after being fortified by several bottles of Scotch whiskey, Graham wrangled my permission for Jane to attend. So, here I sit.

Charlotte is charmed by Bath and we have rambled all over the city from the Pump Room to the Bath Abbey delighted to experience this wonderful city and aware that our sheltered existence in Sanditon has oversimplified our view of the world.

To be away from the Sanditon School in the middle of March presented a myriad of problems and Esther Babington presented her services for the several weeks I would be gone. Christine is staying with the Babingtons and I reluctantly left Windswept in more than capable hands with the Jessups.

This afternoon we all walked along a short tract that paralleled the Avon, enjoying the blue skies and warm afternoon, hoping to offer Jane Loving a distraction from the pressures of the night ahead. As was her habit, she skipped ahead of Susan and her Mama, circled back to check on Graham and on me, and then danced ahead of us to explore the edge of the flowing stream.

“Yer only able to see Jane Loving as the beguiling five year old of yore, the grand lady of hair feathers and dollies, the wee lass we all prayed ‘t’would never grow up, content with good stories and pony rides for the rest of her life. Wishin’ dinna make it so, my friend!”  
“You are not helping, Graham! I feel like I’m being led to the gallows!” I said.  
As if on cue, Jane Loving’s lightly tied bonnet caught in the breeze that ravaged the riverbank catching the hat and blowing it out into the middle of the current.  
At once, she hopped from the bank onto a large slab of rock protruding from the shallows and stretched her arms trying to snag the hat with her fingers, but to no avail. Hopping onto one more rock toward the center of the stream, she reached for the hat again.  
A rapid sound of galloping horse hooves behind us, the upended soles of pink kidskin slippers and a splash occurred with such rapidity, I cannot honestly say the order of the occurring events.  
Suddenly, on the other side of the Avon a horseman placed Jane on her feet, presented her bonnet and rode away without speaking to any of us. Her dress was wet up to her knees and she began to shiver at once.  
She walked forward to the footbridge and met us there, her cheeks flushed with chill and embarrassment and we walked quickly back to town to get her into a warm bath.  
“Jane Loving!” admonished Charlotte, “Why would you risk such maneuver for a silly bonnet? You could have been hurt or worse! That was reckless, my love! What if that rider had not stopped your fall?”  
“I am so sorry Mama, but it is my favorite hat, and I could not part from it willingly!”  
“So, who was the young man on horseback?” I asked.  
“Oh Papa! I do not know who he was, but he was most valiant, was he not? He gathered me up with one arm and set me down as if I weighed no more than a feather! Why are you growling? I was not hurt. My feet will dry.”  
By the time we reached our dwelling on the Crescent and Susan had ordered a bath for our child, Jane’s spirits were quite restored. If possible, mine were more darkened.

While Graham napped and the ladies enjoyed a pot of tea, I set out on a walk trying to rid myself of the need to pace away my anxiety. As I rounded the bend, I noticed a familiar horse tied to a hitching post outside of a florist. I stopped, deciding to wait, and sure enough a tall man exited the shop, adjusting a handsome hat after stowing an enormous bouquet under leather straps at the front of his saddle.  
He nodded to me and then turned around to face me, bowing at the waist.

“Good day, Sir! My name is Bradley Spotswood Crane of Aerie House.”  
“Sidney Parker, of Sanditon. I believe I owe you thanks for rescuing my daughter from her headlong dive toward disaster in the Avon earlier today! Her mother and I are most appreciative!”  
The young man had thrown his head back and laughed showing a mouth full of beautiful teeth to me as well as an attitude of good humor.  
“I am the oldest brother in a family of three younger sisters and I saw the signs of impending doom as if your daughter were one of my headstrong sisters! It was my pleasure to be of service. I trust she is alright! Good day, Mr Parker.”  
He mounted his beautiful bay, riding down the alley toward the riverside lane before he disappeared from sight.

When I returned to the house, Jane was resplendent in shimmering white and her waves of dark hair were piled high behind a tiara featuring a vine of sapphires so exquisite I looked at Susan with raised brows.  
“Don’t worry, Sidney! It is a piece of jewelry from my former life before Graham. It is my gift to Jane Loving and I hope it will become her trademark as she meets society!”

And here I had always imagined I would help choose the feather she would wear to her first ball! I know these were the naive thoughts of a small town Papa and I was a bit embarrassed to consider I once thought so! If I closed my eyes I could still conjure the vision of Jane Loving traipsing up the aisle of Sanditon Church with a feather in her hair, delighted to sit next to me for a precious hour.

Within the hour, we were seated in the pump room watching a veritable crush of people eager to meet and greet and dance. The line formed and the debutantes were announced. Jane Loving was one of fifty six young women and as I handed a glass of wine to Charlotte I realized we might be here for a while.  
“Lord Bradley Spotswood Crane, Aerie House, Bath. He presents his sisters Elspeth Joy and Marilee Hope Crane, accompanied by their younger sister Jewel.”  
A Lord! Well, Jane Loving Parker never did anything by half, including being rescued from the river.  
More than forty minutes later, I heard “Mr and Mrs Wallace Blair Graham of London presenting Jane Loving Parker, daughter of Mr and Mrs Sidney Parker of Sanditon.”  
Jane Loving walked forward with Graham and Susan behind her. She looked exquisite and followed by the large bekilted Scot, appeared to be accompanied by a bodyguard in lace and plaid. Susan was wearing royal blue with a sash of Graham plaid across her chest held in place by the impressive brooch that had been her engagement present. The trio was simply stunning! I rose to my feet to escort Jane Loving from the line back to her seat.  
The dance began and I ask my daughter for the first dance. She rose to give me her hand when she looked beyond my shoulder and blushed.  
“Mr Parker? Might I impose upon you for an introduction to your daughter?”  
“Yes, my Lord. Miss Jane Loving, meet Lord Bradley…er, Crane.”  
“It is my honor to meet you and find you are no longer in need of rescuing!” said he. “Might I have this dance?”  
And then she was gone! Charlotte danced with me and laughingly said, “Stop glowering, Sidney! You look as though Lord Crane was a Mr Howard and he plans to run away with our daughter!”  
I relaxed then but I purposefully danced with my darling wife in directions that always assured my best view of the couple.  
I wish I could say Jane Loving simply enjoyed the dance, but I recognized the sparkle in her eyes and the look of a man ensnared beyond reason. It was absolulety terrifying!  
When the two-dance set ended, Lord Crane crossed the ballroom placing Jane’s hand into my own.  
“Miss Parker I am delighted to make your acquaintance!” he said bowing to her. And then he was gone.

Many more were the dances that Jane enjoyed that night. Many were the introductions. I watched the young Lord dance with his sisters, their strawberry blonde curls caught up in the lilies I saw him buying at the florist. He fielded dance inquiries on behalf of each of his sisters, from much lesser men, with kindness and aplomb. He danced with his younger sister with laughter and care.

In spite of my natural reservations, he passed my initial severe inspection. As we left the ballroom for the evening, Lord Crane pulled me aside. “Mr Parker, may I call on Jane Parker at the Crescent tomorrow? I would like the opportunity to know you all better.”  
“It would be our pleasure, sir, we are in number 26. Please, feel free to bring your sisters as well!” said I.  
“Good night, Miss Parker, Mr and Mrs Parker, Mr and Mrs Graham. Until tomorrow!”  
It had been more than four hours since our arrival and the alacrity with which he recalled our names and made his goodbyes was only surpassed by his confidence and good nature. I was most impressed.

We returned to our dwellings and the four of us watched Jane Loving float up the stairs to bed with a dreamy smile on her face that did not result from simply kissing her Papa goodnight. Susan bet Charlotte they would find that Jane Loving would fall asleep still wearing her tiara.

I close this night, writing because I cannot drink the amount that will release the angst with in me and wondering if I can still recognize the signs of love at first sight in order to prevent them catching the whim of my daughter. I pray I am being ridiculous and simply sleep deprived.

Yes, I am sure that lack of sleep is the source of my worry. I will go and wrap myself in the arms of my beloved and I will find peace, as I always do.

Sidney Parker The Crescent No. 26 Bath, England 

2 March 1846

The duties of a Lord are beyond me! I found yesterday overwhelming and a house full of delirious sisters sent me off on horse ride to escape the constant preparation for the Ball.

As I crested the rise, still adding figures from the house accounts in my mind. A sideways glance brought a girl into focus teetering on a rock far too close to the swift current of the river. I spurred Sir on and he galloped toward the water without hesitation. As soon as we reached the middle of the stream, she lost her balance hurtling head long toward the current. I just happened to scoop her up with my right arm, realizing had I missed she would have been upended in the river assuring mortification for us all! I suppose she had grabbed the bonnet because the ribbons wrapped my arm and I extracted them before handing it back to her and riding away.

Hers were the scents of Spring, of Lily of the Valley and brisk wind! Her softness was strong yet pliable and I was undone by the simple touch of her. How totally ridiculous! I felt and was saturated by all these thoughts at once! It was only as I turned to ride away that I saw her face, heart shaped, dimpled and rosy, upturned with mischief and challenge! It was most shocking, and had I fallen from Sir on my addled head or plunged to my death in the shallows it would have been no more surprising than the breathless punch I received from her gaze upon me.

I met her father as I was leaving the flower stand, initially terrified that he might read the thoughts still rolling from my heart through my mind! He was friendly enough and I held it together until I could escape down the alley for the back streets toward home.

I pulled a current map down from my father’s shelving to locate Sanditon on the south coast. Having initially thought I had never heard of the place I soon realized I knew a friend at Eaton whose family had something to do with a school there. 

Last night my duties as Lord Crane were soon finished as my sisters were presented. Jewel tagged along eager to observe the evening and I could not leave her at home to her fourteen year old devices. She would have dressed in disguise to sneak to the Pump Room to watch our sisters, so I simply brought her along.

So great is their faith in me, that to admit to them I have no idea what I am doing seems to be a betrayal. I can easily follow the bookkeeping of this great house left by our father, the investments and commitments, and the diaries and society notes belonging to my mother. At no time when I was growing up could I have imagined that my twenty eighth year would be met having lost both of my parents, having experienced nothing of the world and now responsible for the health and welfare of three of the flightiest young women in England. Arie House was a Crane’s nest indeed and I feel I am the biggest birdbrain of them all!

After dancing with Jane Loving Parker I am filled with such fear and trepidation that I cannot express it! She brought to the surface every dream and hope for my future as we waltzed and her smile saturated my heart with such longing there is nothing to do but meet her entire family and fully goof it up so that I might rid my mind of her enchantment!

This day we are off to her house in the Crescent for tea and after everyone was buttoned, pressed and ribboned we set out in the early spring sunshine for the ride across Bath.

Tea was tea, and yet never before had black tea tasted so sweet. Never before had cucumber sandwiches tasted so well or strawberries served with clotted cream been more beautifully presented. Where my thoughts have always been captured by the food, my senses were overwhelmed by Jane Loving Parker when she laughed. I was undone, simply and thoroughly undone.

Her father, whom she calls Papa, seemed most severe at first and had he been a swami mind reader from the east he could have not intimidated me more! Her Scottish uncle, although I am not sure he is actually kin, allowed me to make a note with no words required at all, that trifling with Jane Loving would end in my certain and painful death, most probably by dismemberment.

Jane Loving interacted with my sisters as though she has known us all our lives. She is ease and grace and beauty. All this attraction would be enough, but the first seeds of love were sown when she clearly piped up, “I totally disagree with you, my Lord! As a brother of three sisters, to turn your nose up at the absolute right to a university education for all women is a great injustice! My Papa has every student at the Sanditon School instructed with equal zeal, from math and letters to the history of the world and the economy of our country in the future! There is no weaker sex or less deserving student based simply on our being female! It is the future, I know it! Please, sir! Reconsider your stance!”

Her chin came up, her eyes sparked, her cheeks blushed, and I know in my heart I could live a lifetime provoking her if settling her in my arms might be the outcome of every argument.

Mr and Mrs Parker sat together on the divan, their fingers entwined as though they were in the finest first blooms of courtship and not an old married couple at all.  
Truth be told, I am smitten by all of them and can hardly wait to see them again!

Sinclair Goddard was raising the knocker on the door as we departed and if the amount of flowers in his arms were any indication of his intentions, I should have bought out the florist instead of the nosegay of lily of the valley I left on the Parker’s hallway table!  
I shall go to bed this night trying to invent an occasion which will bring all of us together again soon. Nothing has ever seemed more important!

Bradley Spotswood Crane  
Aerie House, Bath


	2. A Gaggle of Callers

3 March 1846

Sir Gobsmacked, Mr Turpentine and someone else, I think his name was Frogmouth, all arrived at the Crescent to call on Jane Loving! Lord Crane was our first official visitor. I believe he came to see us all. He came announced and by my invitation, but these other young men showed up with hope and audacity, without the encumbrance of their sisters, and expected the warmest of welcomes. They are sorely out of luck!  
“Sidney!” admonished Charlotte at breakfast, “Those are not their real names, and you know it!” She giggled, even while she realized the depth of my anxiety.

Graham laughed, Susan chortled, and I was not moved by their apparent good humor!

“Lord Crane is the nicest sort of gentleman and he brought his sisters along to protect him from Jane Loving so that he stayed well chaperoned! Gobsmacked, Turpentine and Frogmouth stayed far too long and had not an original thought between them!” I said, purposefully.

Jane Loving laughed. “Oh Papa, you do have an amazing imagination!”

“Ease our minds, Jane Loving, so your father can let go of his need for sword play!” said Charlotte, beseechingly.

“First of all, Papa, their names are Goddard, Turkelton and Falmouth and none of the three of them interest me, not even a little! Please do not worry yourself! The three were kind and attentive and in no way did I encourage their visiting again!” said Jane Loving, sternly.

Graham and Susan smiled blandly, as did Charlotte.

Jane received my glower without flinching.

“Really, Papa! You should write a book so great are the waves of romance you imagine! I promise there is none reserved for any one of them. Not an inkling!”

Where was my child, the parcel of my heart, who was afraid of monsters under the bed and snakes in the closet? Where has she gone, so quickly? I simply sat at the end of the table and drank her in like wine. Jane Loving is so poised and grown up and it has happened so fast, my head is spinning. Should I dare blink, she will be gone!

“We received an invitation to attend luncheon with Lord Crane and his sisters and we shall depart at half past eleven, Jane Loving, so if you walk into town mind the time so we are not late,” said Charlotte.

“I will walk with her,” said Susan, adding, “We can certainly get into plenty of mischief and still be in time for our luncheon!”

Every person but me found this comment funny and I cannot even explain the depth of my mourning her girlhood.

Susan and Jane Loving walked to town despite the threat of rain, and armed with their umbrellas, seemed to have no care in the world. I watched from the window of our upstairs room until they were out of sight and Charlotte’s arms around my waist distracted me.

“We have a letter from Christine, my love,” said Charlotte softly. “She would like to urge us to return as soon as possible for Esther is making her climb stairs balancing a book on her head and force feeding her mincemeat!”  
“So, she has not eloped to Scotland, then?” I wondered. 

Charlotte laughed. “No, Sidney! She cannot even imagine spending time with a man while there are still horses in the world! She is as every fourteen year old young woman should be!”  
“Please, Charlotte! Do not say ‘woman’! I can hardly stand to hear the word spoken aloud!”

“Perhaps, my love, we should have stayed home at Windswept! I fear for your heart if you stay so upset over such natural occurrences! Jane Loving is as strong as you have taught her to be, as smart as a whip and so beautiful you could not expect her to go through this experience as a debutante and not collect basketfuls of hearts in the process!” said Charlotte.

“I know in my own heart you are right! Perhaps we should have sent her to Willingden for a summer or two! She could have helped her grandfather milk the cows! She is too young for such a crush as this!” I said.

“Her heart would have been no safer in Willingden… or Sanditon, Sidney, than it is here in Bath! We shall not worry about her marrying anyone until there is someone she may wish to marry! It is only then that I will allow you to weep without interference!” Charlotte said trying to tease me a little.

“Just see that you do, then, wife! I just want her to be treasured and protected I have not forgotten how I upset you and your father would have murdered me had he known of the heartache that chased your days in Sanditon that summer! Charlotte! I want only the greatest of loves for Jane Loving!”

“I know,” said she, kissing me softly. “I know she will settle for nothing less than a love like yours is for me. It is the example we have given her for all of her life, Sidney!”

I was comforted then, for she is right, as she usually is.

Luncheon was delightful and if I had any preconceptions about what a home called Aerie House would reflect, those suppositions were shattered as the carriage pulled into a portico in front of a turreted house more surely like a castle and as fine as any home I have seen anywhere.  
Charlotte whispered, “Oh my!” and Graham and Susan shared an intense looked that expressed their mutual admiration for the place. Honestly? I thought, ‘Dear Sweet Triton, God of the Sea’!

Only Jane seemed perfectly and naturally at home and she followed the girls to their rooms upstairs while we waited in the music room with our host.

“I wish to extend my welcome to you all! The light is so warm and bright on this side of the house this time of day that I thought we might meet before luncheon, in here! I promise not to serenade you with a family singalong, so please, have no fear!” said Lord Crane. It was Graham who spoke of the musical nights at Windswept and the various instruments played by my children. Lord Crane had such a wistful expression of his face I thought he might tear up, but he gathered himself and responded, “We too, used to have such evenings when my parents were here… I miss them so much!”  
It was evident he missed the music but the sentiment of longing was for his parents.  
Charlotte took his arm and slightly hugged him, and he closed his eyes for a moment. “Oh, thank you, Mrs Parker! I miss my parents as well as our music and I needed that kind embrace!” said he.

The young women clattered down the stairs as luncheon was announced and an enjoyable meal was had by all among much laughter and banter and fun.  
Lord Crane was seated as far away from Jane Loving as the room allowed and it was as though a gossamer rope stretched between them tying them without effort, each to the other. His admiration was not at all subtle. Jane does not seem to mind. The glances between them were of such longing it made me squirm in my chair!

She headed to bed this night without discussing the day with me at all! She kissed her Papa, as she always does, but there is a subtle shift, as though she is perched to fly! I must stand back to see the time is nigh for her to fly from our nest to perch within another.

Damn.

Sidney Parker  
Bath

Aerie House  
8 March 1846

I can see her, if I close my eyes, as she sat among us! She teased my sisters, addressed my staff with kindness and care and left a bouquet of carrots for Sir which she handed to me from the carriage as they departed. She did everything as though she were born to this life! But I am simply not ready.

It was as though a switch flipped and I realized I must stop this easy and familiar repartee that was growing so lushly between us. No! I must shut this down, at once. This is not the time in my life to find the perfect wife.

Everyone laughed at the vegetable offering for Sir and I wanted nothing more than to gather her to me. I bowed nicely and waved until the carriage passed the curve in the road.  
Jane Loving Parker has made her mark in Bath as though she were a general commanding an army. If I was looking for a wife, I would look no further! She has a calming effect on my sisters and has wrapped my heart in such dreams I cannot fathom anyone else ever having such an effect on my heart. Perhaps I might write to the Parkers when they return to Sanditon.  
Not since the loss of my parents, have I felt such comfort. I am not able to contemplate a spouse when there is so much for me to learn about Aerie House and the holdings my father left behind. Not now.

No, I must be careful not to express my longing for Jane Loving to be more to me than the gift of a delightful friend for my sisters! But my, she takes my breath away. 

Tonight there is a music night at the Assembly Room and if I am careful, I might speak to the Parkers while carefully extracting myself from meeting them in any way that might very well be misconstrued as a build up to a proposal extended to Jane Loving.

***  
I was relieved that the evening progressed so well! I did not speak to Jane Loving at all. She was surrounded by suitors and I very carefully spoke to the Grahams and the Parkers without disturbing her at all.  
Tonight, I write this note to myself to control the inclination of my heart as I long for comfort. She deserves a man far better than am I at this crossroads in my life. She needs someone more settled, more mature. If tonight was any indication, she will have many fine men from which to choose.  
As I prepare for bed, Joy and Hope enter my room and settle on the divan in front of my fire.

“Jewel has fallen asleep, Bradley, but we speak on her behalf when we say what kind of idiot are you, dearest brother, that you would spend an evening in the same assembly with Jane Loving Parker and not even speak to her?” said Hope.

“You acted like a grandfather might behave tonight!” said Joy. “You spoke only to adults and hung at the back of the room as though the evening was something from which you should escape!”

“I simply do not want to interfere with any of her serious suitors, girls! She is, without a doubt, the catch of the season and I do not wish to stand in her way of a perfect match for her! She certainly can have her pick of all the men in Bath and then some! Is that all?”

“You ARE an idiot, dearest brother! Jane Loving is the absolute reflection of you at your truest self! How can you possibly not see it?!” Hope pressed.  
I stood in front of them both, eager to explain and intent on their understanding.

“I cannot possibly replace our mother with a young bride! It is to expose you to potential suitors that we are participating in the season, not to marry me off, no matter how enchanting an enticement she might be!” I said, calmly.  
“Oh,” said Joy to Hope, as though I could not hear them “We are supposed to gladly leave our home to launch ourselves into the unknown, but our brother’s duties are so very important that he is required to neglect every important longing for our house becoming a home once again while he wallows in a self-induced lordly pit of wistfulness!”  
“Well said, Sister! If you do not wish to expose yourself to Jane Loving, Bradley, then neither shall we! We will just quit the season! We love our home, Bradley, and we will not leave you here at Aerie House without support!”  
“Yes, we will simply finish our season in a year or two when we are good and ready!”  
I was furious. “Now you are being daft! You each participating in the season was the last and most well developed plan for your lives by our mother! I will not allow either of you to squander it!” 

Hope leaned into my face and spoke softly and forcefully. “Brother if you are to be allowed to squander your most obvious future, we shall keep you company! If you think we will not have a say about the bride you bring into our family you are surely supreme Lord of the English Ninnies! We love you and we have never met anyone like Jane Loving Parker! Jewel wishes to go home with them to attend the Sanditon School, did you know that? We have all fallen in love, not just you! How can you not see it?”

“That is enough!” I shouted. “Now go to your beds and speak no more of this to me! I made a promise to our dear parents that I would make the best decisions for all of us! Trust me to do it, please!” I was growling and I knew it, but someone had to be the head of our household and I decidedly am that.

I heard two doors slam in the hall and I sat down to read through the monthly ledger of the month past and all I could see was Jane Loving’s beautiful smile conjured from my mind on the page in front of me. I closed my eyes and heard the notes of her laughter and felt the physical ache from longing for that which I must deny.

I wish her well! I would, indeed, consider Jewel attending the Sanditon School and I will discuss the possibility of that with Mr Parker before they leave.

In the very least, I am pleased with myself that I have not ruined that potential between us and if we three older Cranes must be miserable, perhaps there is a chance for Jewel to be joyful again.

Aerie House  
Bradley Spotswood Crane


	3. Not to Be

11 March 1846

I have never seen so many flowers in one place in my life! After every event in town, our house on the Crescent is flooded with blooming offerings, beribboned and bunched. Jane looks at them all, indifferently, offering no spoken word about any of them. She is all kindness and smiles to all who call upon her but there is a beam of light that has been snuffed behind her eyes and she will not encourage any caller who professes hope in a mutual future in any way.

At first, I was vastly relieved by her apparent indifference! Now I am sure the ambivalence indicates something far more dire. Jane Loving has fallen for Lord Crane and he no longer seems interested in my fine daughter. The jackass! Does he not see all she is?

There have been four events associated with the season, all of which we have attended. Since the evening of the musicale, we have not seen hide nor hair of Lord Crane nor any member of his family.

I had to ask.  
(I should not have asked!)  
“Jane Loving, what of Lord Bradley Crane and his sisters? Have you heard word of them?”

Never in my life have I awakened such anger within her! She turned on me and said harshly,  
“Really Papa? Must you rub my face in his rejection? I was so sure that I had met the man of my heart when first I met Lord Crane, and I have been nothing but myself, without pretense of any kind! I know now that I am not enough for him or for his family! I must have done something wrong. I just have no idea what it was!”  
“If you would consider it, might we go back to Sanditon early? Won’t that please you, too, my Papa? Please, I just want to go home!”

When Jane began to cry, I was stricken to the core. All I could do was hold her while her tears darkened my vest, and I contemplated all the ways I might enjoy inflicting torture on that young man. I know in my heart he did nothing wrong, short of being naturally wonderful. I look back at my life with the surety that had I received what I undoubtably deserved from Charlotte’s father I would have never seen the future at all much less experience this happy life.  
As is often the case in my life, Charlotte spoke with practical reason. She addressed us from the doorway to the sitting room.  
“Look you two, initial meetings are often plagued with misunderstandings and heartaches! Very seldom are the best of things crafted in a three week period of time and, maybe, after we met Lord Crane, our expectations, all of our expectations, grew far beyond the practical into the realm of magical thinking! That young man, as splendid as he appears to be, has recently lost both of his parents! The pressure to become a reflection of his father is immense. I would be shocked and wary if he had held all things together well! Of course, we will go home, Jane Loving! We will leave tomorrow!” She kissed us both before climbing the stairs to tell Susan of our decision.

Susan and Graham said not a word as the luggage filled the foyer. Susan was crushed to see Jane Loving disappointed but there were no words to be spoken that would change what had passed while we were here in Bath and nothing we might say that would change the immediate future.  
Home was all we could all think about and the comfortable and subtle society of Windswept awaited our return. Graham and Susan would join us, in just a few weeks, for the summer. We parted, having loved our time in Bath and equally pleased to leave it behind.

Sidney Parker  
The Crescent, No. 26  
Bath

20 March 1846

I sent a note to the Crescent, No. 26, requesting an audience with Mr Parker to discuss the potential for Jewel to attend the summer session of the Sanditon School.

With questions about boarding and all fees involved for a student from out of town, I requested an meeting with him so that I might discuss all the specific details. In less than an hour, I had a response and was well pleased with the swiftness of his return correspondence. I settled at my desk and loosened the wax seal on the vellum. Having never seen the Parker crest, I was not aware that the missive I now held came from the hand of Mrs Graham instead.

‘Lord Crane,  
Please be advised that the Parkers returned to Sanditon earlier this week.  
I am unable to answer your questions regarding your sister’s education. I would suggest you write to Mr Parker at the Sanditon School. He should be back in his office by Monday.

Sincere Regards,  
Susan Worcester Graham’ The Crescent No. 26  
Bath

If I had been punched by a pugilist, I could not have become more instantly winded! What did I think would happen when Jane Loving did not find a reciprocated love in Bath? In the back of my mind had I thought she would settle for someone like Goddard? Could I have really been pleased to run into her at the Abbey or the Pump Room knowing she belonged to another?

I am truly a fool of the highest order! Of course, Sidney Parker took his beloved daughter back to Sanditon! I would have made exactly the same call were it one of my sisters who had been so set up and left to sort such ridiculous disappointment. But… I did not set her up, did I? Perhaps I should go and throw myself at Mr Graham and receive the thrashing I deserve from the hand of a man who could inflict more physical pain looking at me cross eyed that I have ever had to bear.

The truth is I am so filled with thoughts of Jane Loving that the very breeze stirs things in the air I breathe that reminds me of her. It is as though I found the very center of my soul and threw it away without thought or reason. I close my eyes and visualize her smiling face, laughing before me and I wake, wretched, after longing for her in my dreams.

My short exposure to Sidney Parker made one fact an absolute. If Jane Loving had requested an early departure for home because of one increment of my selfish folly, I could crawl to Sanditon on my knees and still not earn a second opportunity to speak to his daughter!  
As much as I was sure no amount of groveling would possibly suffice, I simply could not throw away the opportunity for Jewel’s dream of the perfect school to pass her by! The loss of our parents was especially hard on her and I liked everything I had heard about the school.

Our Bath solicitors wrote to Sanditon to secure lodging for my sisters and me, for a month. We would pass the last days of the spring on the south east coast and perhaps, just perhaps, I could reset the clocks of our futures. Especially mine.

I have received the keys to a vast apartment on Waterloo Terrace in Sanditon. I could not help but smirk as I considered the thought that, like Napoleon, this trip might be my downfall! I will go prepared to surrender but with every expectation that should Sidney Parker find me unprotected I may face certain slaughter.

My sisters are ecstatic with thoughts of our upcoming trip to see the Sanditon School. Any other reason for venturing beyond London, I scarce can consider, and they dare not mention. I will be sure to leave things in good order here for the weeks we will be away. It only dawned on me this morning that this is the first decision I have made solely on my own on behalf of my family since my parents passed. I waited for the angst and confusion to set in following the process of making up my mind, but I feel only clarity. Now I must pack.

Bradley Spotswood Crane  
Aerie House, Bath


	4. Evidence of Angst

29 March 1846

“Sidney, Christine thinks we returned home from Bath to rescue her from the demanding ministrations of Lady Babington and I know for a fact that Jane Loving has mentioned nothing specific to her. So please, let us keep Jane Loving’s disappointment to ourselves and never mention it again!” said Charlotte.

“I totally agree, my love! I am eager to get back to school and renew our routine! Jane Loving is resilient, after all! How much of an attachment could she possibly still feel?…”  
“Sidney, our clifftop kiss sustained me for months after you said goodbye to me! After you were lost to me! After I was back in Willingden! The heart wants what the heart wants! There is no logical explanation and no reasonable plan for the dissipation of such hope. It is like a hole in the ocean floor! The sands shift and still it remains hollow until it is filled with enough matter that the wound is healed or leveled completely by the incessant tides. Does that make sense?” 

“I certainly pray she is not leveled from disappointment!”  
“As do I Sidney! As do I!” she whispered, softly.

Tonight, I sat across from my girls at dinner and laughed as Christine filled me in on the antics of the students at school as they tried to upset Esther Babington in my absence. She was shrewd and a step ahead of them and they had ended up behaving because she simply would not stand for anything else.  
I studied Jane Loving whenever she was not looking. How well she wears the façade of normalcy! Perhaps she believes if she just pretends long enough, normalcy will return. I wish this were true but pretending all was well had never worked for me.

Tonight, I write after turning toward Charlotte in the darkness of our room in the comfort of my own bed and my heart ached for Jane Loving so very deeply, I could not speak.  
Charlotte kissed me and said, “I know how you feel, my love! How very remarkable are the marriages of our children so far that all have attained such great loves without struggle and pain! Jane Loving is far too precious not to have great happiness in her future! We would not be her parents if we did not try to predetermine how her life might go!”  
“But we cannot!” I said in protest. “Much as we may wish to make it right!”  
“No, we can only love her, pray for her and give her room to venture out again when she is ready.”

She snuggled against me and I loathed the thought that I would leave her, even for the few moments it would take to document our return in writing.

I checked on my girls. Christine was sleeping with her arms thrown over the edge of the bed. When I kissed her forehead, she did not move. When I leaned over Jane Loving I kissed her hair and as I pulled my hand from her pillow, I felt the damp casing wet from her tears and my heart ached all over again.

Perhaps it is time for me to hire Stringer to design a moat around Windswept. It will certainly feature a drawbridge that will keep out any visitors bearing heartbreak and keep the love inside, fastened deeply within our walls! I write this in jest and yet, would it work, I would help dig!

Sidney Parker  
Windswept Cottage  
Sanditon


	5. The Visitors

4 April 1846

I was amazed by the beauty of the place! The sparkle of the water and the beaches and coves! I loved the area at once and the girls were enthralled.   
While seeking more information on Sanditon, I found the address of my friend from Eaton and I a wrote a note to say we were in town. It is how we found ourselves at the table in the home of Charles and Gabriella Babington enjoying a marvelous roast duck before Charles’ wife began to put the pieces together and sat up straight in her chair!  
“My name was Gabriella Parker before I married your friend, Lord Crane!” said she. Did you by chance meet my family when they were lately in Bath?”  
I was floored that I had missed the obvious similarities in her looks inherited from her parents.  
“Yes, yes! We met your parents…and your sister… when they were recently in Bath! (Had the seating arrangement been different I might have kicked my sisters under the table to assure their appropriate response).   
I was relieved when Jewel innocently piped up, “My brother has come to see the Sanditon School. We heard so much about and I hope that I might stay as a boarding student if they have room!”

“Come back in the morning, if you like,” said Charles, “and I will take you to see Sidney myself! He is the finest of Headmasters and if there is a way to bring Jewel into the school, he will see to it at once.” And so, we agreed. In the morning I will accompany Charles to the school without my sisters. No matter how I am received they will not witness the reception I am given by Mr Sidney Parker nor the thrashing he no doubt will wish to impart. He could only feel intense dislike for me, should he feel anything at all.

Gabriella’s eyes narrowed as our discussion finished, but if she had suspicions of my being behind her families’ shortened trip to Bath, she did not voice her thoughts.  
“Jewel, my sister Christine will adore you! I will look forward to introducing her to you!”  
The rest of our evening passed with conversations about horses, the weather, and the cost of travel to the Mediterranean, the end point of the Babington’s next great adventure.

As I write tonight, I hear the wind rattle the panes of glass in our apartment. I hear the crash of waves on the rocks at the beach as a spring storm rolls up the coast and I can only think out there in the darkness is a house filled with light and love within the walls where my heart dwells and I can only pray for another chance to make this right.

Bradley Spotswood Crane  
Waterloo Terrace  
Sanditon

5 April 1865

I did not know whether I should shake his hand or slap him through the wall! In front of my desk, with his very nice hat in his hand, stood Lord Bradley Crane in the company of my son-in-law, Charles!  
In the end I simply glowered at him as Charles explained he had come to facilitate a place for Jewel. She was a darling girl, and we discussed her academics and her expectations.

“I would like to secure stable space for her so she might bring her sweet old horse. She loves to ride, and it would enable her to have a part of home with her.” said Lord Crane.

“In no way do we advertise ourselves as a boarding school, my Lord! I do not wish for you to set your expectations so high that they are dashed by our current limitations.” I said, pointedly.

Charles looked at me with a raised brow. I knew that as a Babington he knew we had plenty of room at the school, but I needed to stall and get my head around the possibility of Lord Crane’s little sister becoming a part of our lives on the cliffs. How could she not, if she came to the school? I could almost predict that she and Christine would be instantly thick as thieves with their similar ages and their unabashed enthusiasm for all things horse.

I arrived home midafternoon and felt I could no longer ignore the Cranes within our midst. Plucking an apple from the bowl in the kitchen, I told Charlotte about the appearance of Lord Bradley Spotswood Crane.  
“Oh my,” said Charlotte. “What are the chances Jane Loving might avoid him?”  
“I can predict with certainty that he has every intention of renewing his attention to her because he did not mention her…at all, Charlotte! He did not have the guts to mention her in front of Charles Babington and if he felt nothing at all why not mention that he met her?” I wondered.  
“Why indeed?” responded Charlotte. “Alright, Papa! We must fortify our child to face whatever may come. You must speak to the fickle heart of even the most besotted of men and give her the tools to navigate what lies ahead!”  
“Alright, my love, I shall try! I certainly had the experience of behaving horribly when our love was in the balance. I shall try to come up with something that will be supportive! I know that she will love to hear from her dear Mama! What will you do, Charlotte?”  
“I? I shall pray without ceasing and hope her heart grows a bit of a steel shell and that you do not spontaneously combust until all this is settled!”  
“Well then!” I responded.  
“Well then,” she replied.

I write tonight trying so hard to discount the immense hope that now fills my heart. I want only the best of men for Jane Loving and if I am honest, both of us were quite certain that Lord Bradley Crane was most probably just the man. Now he must prove it. He must prove it to us all.

Sidney Parker  
Windswept Cottage  
Sanditon


	6. And So It Goes

6 April 1846

It was early morning when I decided to walk up the beach to enjoy the sunrise.  
Jane Loving Parker, walking in the opposite direction, was a vision as she approached me, apparently finishing her morning walk and turning to ascend the path toward the cliff top. She was back lit by the soft, first rays of the sun and she simply stopped when she recognized me walking toward her.  
“Good day, Miss Parker! How glad I am to see you again!”  
She simply nodded to me and stepped around me to walk up the path. She did not look back and it simply took my breath away. Could it be she did not recognize me at all?

“Miss Parker…Jane Loving… please.” I called out to her.  
She stopped and walked back toward me. “I am sorry to appear so rude, Lord Crane! I have no reason in the world to slight you and I apologize for my bad behavior!”  
“You owe me no such grace, Miss Parker! Please forgive my own ridiculous behavior toward you while you were in Bath and since, when I could not find the words to write to you to ask for the opportunity to speak with you again or apologize for my fickle behavior! I was an ass…now I am simply a miserable ass!”  
“Why ever would you want to speak again with me? I am just an idealistic young woman from the backwater of Sanditon, unable to keep my own opinions and with no experience in the world! I am sure I quite entertained you, my Lord, from my falling in the Avon to expressing my opinions about education! No, I cannot imagine you would ever have a thing to say to me. Good day!”

I simply stood and watched her walk away.

And then I was running. There were ten strides to the curve in the path and I reached the highest point with an amazingly large gust of wind. My intention had been to stop in front of her, to block her path, to beg a moment of her time. Instead the brazen wind tossed me into her and in the next moment she was in my arms.  
She stiffened and I pulled her closer.  
“Jane Loving?”  
“Yes?”  
“I can live not one minute more without you!”  
It was my fault! I lost every sense of reason! I watched her bite her lower lip and I followed her teeth with my own lips, and I kissed her with softness and kindness and hope. My hand grasped her bottom, and I pulled her closer. I kissed her with love, I was devouring her. I could not stop.  
She kissed me back, at first shyly and then with possession and surety! Her passion matched my own and we were lost in the moment and each other. I could guarantee you she had never kissed a man before and yet she owned me body and soul the moment her lips grazed mine.

“Jane Loving…” I whispered against her mouth. “I am in love with you! I have been loving Jane Loving for all of the days we have known each other. Please! Tell me you love me too!”

‘Hello, my Papa!” said she brightly, glancing over my shoulder, “Look who I found trespassing on our clifftop!”  
And then she was gone, leaving me in front of her Papa, er… her father! He was so enraged he could scarcely breathe! He had seen me kiss his daughter! He had heard my honest words. He registered the blasé way she left me and I knew with great certainty that he wanted nothing less than my head on a pike, positioned so all might heed the warning, from the beach and the road above.  
“My Lord, my Lord! You have overstepped!” he shouted. His jaw clenched and his brow furrowed.  
I simply sat on the ground for my legs gave way beneath me. “I wish to marry your daughter, Sir,” I said. I heard the pleading in my shakey voice, and I could do nothing to change any of it. I was a man possessed. And then, I was simply overcome with hysterics and I laughed until I cried.  
He tried to be most severe, truly he did.  
I howled, “When you shouted ‘My LORD, my lord!’ I could not discern if you were talking to me or saying a pray on my behalf! I realized I could no longer stand, so weak in the knees am I now! If you wish to end my life you must come down here to do it, for I cannot stand up, much as I may wish to!”  
He began to laugh, a deep throaty chuckle and he sat down beside me on the path and embraced me. “It is impossible to dislike you and believe me, I have tried!”  
(Then, with instant and terrifying temper, his fury returned)

“Did I see you actually TOUCHING my dear daughter?! If I did not own such passion for my own beloved wife for many years now, you would meet your death at this very moment! Do not doubt me, but to kill you now would simply make me a hypocrite!”

The last sight Jane Loving had from the clifftop was her dear Papa as he sunk out of sight and she ran to get her mother as quickly as possible expecting to find my corpse and her Papa’s bloody hands, dripping from ending my life, as he climbed the path toward home.  
Instead they found us embracing. If we were not exactly friends, I at least, had an inkling my life was no longer in danger. But the decision about our marriage was no longer mine to determine!  
“Charlotte,” said Mr Sidney Parker, “Lord Bradley Spotshead Crane wishes to marry our daughter!”  
“Oh? Did he specify which one?” asked Mrs Parker. “Christine IS rather young, you know!”  
“Ask her now, AGAIN NOW, Lord Crane!”  
“Jane Loving… will you marry me? You will become the best of my heart and I, Bradley Spotswood Crane, would certify as the happiest of men in England. Would you agree to become mistress of my heart, of Aerie House and all the Cranes within the nest?”  
She kissed me then; full on, without even a hint of shyness, in front of her parents, and she whispered her answer (‘Yes, please!’) against my mouth.  
We all walked the hill to Windswept where the headmaster of my sister’s new school drank champagne with his eggs at breakfast before leaving me with my bride to be as he headed with Christine to school.

If I live to be a man of ninety, I will never have another day happier than this, unless it is two weeks from now when I might call Jane Loving Parker my wife.  
The ruby ring that once was my mother’s own fits Jane Loving’s finger as though it were finally home. I have carried it in my waistcoat pocket since the evening at my house when my sisters labeled me an idiot and now, I have proven them wrong, once and for all. Not that they are always right, they were simply not wrong on this particular occasion. (I note this fact here, for the record!) 

Bradley Spotswood Crane  
Waterloo Terrace  
Sanditon

1 May 1846

As I walked my daughter down the aisle of the church, I was sure I knew how it would feel to have my heart squeezed by an angry cannibal King in Bora Bora! I had to will my feet to approach my son, the Reverend Benjamin Heywood Parker, as he stood with, soon to be retired, Reverend Hankins to serve as the vicar in charge of presiding over his first wedding ever, as his sister, Diana Jane Loving Parker becomes the wife of Lord Bradley Spotswood Crane.

Jane Loving reached up and kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “Let go of my hand, my dear Papa, and go sit with Mama! I shall always love you, you know!”

The wedding proceeded and was the fastest service I have ever attended in the Sanditon Church. I did not hear the music or the words, I only saw and felt the waves of unabashed adoration as it seemed to envelope the newly minted Lord and Lady Crane.

Last night, Jane Loving had climbed in between us in our bed and cuddled with us both. I remembered all the moments I had comforted her, all the stories we shared and the dreams we had dreamed for her, and I felt my chest tighten as it does on the rare occasions I am beside myself.

“Both of you, tell me very clearly, Mama and Papa, what I must do, to please my husband as each of you do the other! Every detail, for I cannot be misinformed if I am to do it right!”  
Charlotte giggled as I choked, and I was certain I would weep despite my very best efforts!  
Charlotte waited for me to speak and when I simply had no words, she addressed the subject for us both:  
“Jane Loving when you were a little girl you learned that perfect love casts out fear and you have that perfect love with Bradley. Explore the gifts of your bodies without fear and pleasure will follow in the most amazing and unimaginable ways!” said Charlotte. “Children are made by your bodies blending together and I know you will find the rich happiness as your father and I have always done.”

Jane Loving had answered “Hmmmmm….I wonder…” Then she swiveled her head around and looked at me, full in the face, before kissing my cheek.  
“Don’t cry, my Papa! For you are handing me to my perfect match tomorrow and I have seen, firsthand, how you have always cared so deeply for Mama! Bradley knows the expectations I have, and he remembers his own parents’ deep and abiding love. We have the best examples to follow in both sets of our parents and we know what a gift this is for the both of us!”

She embraced us then, and my tiny girl walked away from us turning into the woman she had become before she glanced back from our door. Blowing us another kiss good night, she closed the door on her childhood.

We sat quietly in the dark holding each other.  
“Was that a sniff I heard, Mr Parker?” said Charlotte, teasing me. “Do I feel a tear on my hand?”  
She held me as I wept and then kissed my sadness away. We held each other as we always do, as though our love is precious and new. I suddenly felt so very old.

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” intoned Ben, “In the name of the Father. Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.”

We watched as our Jane Loving danced with joy down the aisle after the wedding on the arm of one of the handsomest young men I have ever seen. He laughed with a shout as Graham shook his fist in silent warning from the pew where he was sitting with Susan. All the Parker and Crane siblings cheered.  
The sapphire tiara sparkled in her hair and her husband laced his finger with hers adoringly. With his other hand he covered their clasped fingers, and he was easy and kind to the multitude who stood in the receiving line to meet Lord Crane from Bath and to congratulate Sanditon’s own, Lady Jane Loving Crane.  
Her silk gown rippled in the breeze and waved around her like a caress, as she addressed every person who approached her. After kissing her brothers and sisters, she stepped up on the coach step, seeking my face in the crowd. I walked to her, handing her up to her husband.

“Thank you, my Papa! Thank you for all my life, until now!” said she and then she was gone with the clip clop of horse’s hooves and the creak of Lord Crane’s carriage.  
Crowe passed me a drink and Babington replaced the instantly empty glass with a snifter full of port.

“There is no greater pain than this,” said Crowe, “and I say that will all due respect, now that our families have blended in many marriage pairings. The secret of coital relations has escaped our careful guardianship to become the habit of our children. All is lost!”

“Shut up, Crowe!” we intoned in unison.

Remembering with exquisite fondness my own wedding night, I prayed for happiness for my child and then I went to dance with my wife.

Loving Jane Loving has always been one of my greatest joys as a father. I shall never stop even though I have given my precious child away this day to a husband who will treasure and protect her, no doubt, long after I have departed this mortal coil!

And I feel as though our family has grown by the happy addition of the foursome Crane, of whom we are most fond!

I am most capable of taking Lord Crane out, should Jane Loving ever be less blissful than she is this day…I will let him think so, anyway!

Sidney Parker  
Windswept Cottage  
Sanditon  
~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We leave the Parkers... and the Cranes to their Happily Ever Afters and we start this New Year with renewed hope that the original Sanditon characters will be back for a Season 2 (maybe even 3 or 4).
> 
> I have grown to love them without reservation! I dream of them and have felt such happiness in putting my thoughts on the page for you to read!
> 
> If you will send me your email addresses, I will keep up with you, dear readers, and let you know when next I write a story for you!
> 
> Best wishes,  
> Susan Alvis  
> swalviswriter@gmail.com
> 
> 1 January 2021


End file.
